A Healthy Mama, A Healthy "Ohana": Lessons in Loving Yourself First

Motherhood... no one can really explain the feeling. It's a whole emotional mess. It's beautiful, it's frustrating, it's complete bliss and complete chaos. If I had one word to keep telling myself to keep me sane it would be... "balance".

I had struggled with depression and anxiety in my mid-twenties, and during those tough times, I discovered the amazing practices of Yoga and Meditation. Those literally saved my life. It taught me about self-love, living in the present and striving to achieve balance. Because I've been prone to these mental health conditions, I was afraid I'd have it when Kai was born. I also told myself, that I couldn't let it get in the way of me being a good mother. Sure enough, I had postpartum blues and anxiety. For the first few months of Kai's life, it was difficult to connect with him. I just felt like all the work I had put into loving myself, and making myself a priority, would fly out the window. I wasn't the same woman I was anymore. I knew that I'd be giving all of myself to my son, and I didn't want to lose myself again. Losing myself is what made me depressed.

I grew up though, and those negative thoughts and feelings matured into something else. The moment I became a mom, no matter how I felt, no matter what demons tried to come back and crawl into my life, my mommy instinct just shut it down. As a woman who has been through hell and back in her life, I told myself that I couldn't keep dwelling in the dramas that had brought me down before. Even if those feelings were consuming me sometimes during my first year of maternity leave, I had to find a way to snap out of it. I needed to be strong, but I also needed to be vulnerable, and express my feelings. Bottling it up wouldn't do me, (or anyone) any good. When I allowed myself to feel this change in my life, connecting with my son came so naturally.

My son is my bright light, my best little buddy. His smile is infectious, his laugh is ridiculously adorable, and his eyes will make anyone's heart melt. His cuddles, his kisses, and caresses... they just make you feel like you don't have anything to worry about. Even if he is a mischievous toddler, he is the sweetest little boy who is so smart and driven to learn and explore. His enthusiasm for things inspires me too. He reminds me that life is so much bigger than our own problems. His life is so much more important than my own personal issues, and no way do I want to project my issues onto him. The only way I'd create that foundation for him is to show him that you need to love yourself first. That Mommy needs to love herself in order to love him and Daddy. I want to cultivate self-confidence and self-love early in him, because it is so essential to mental well-being.

Self-care is a whole ecosystem. It is physical, mental, and emotional. You cannot just do one of these to achieve complete love for yourself. I don't like to be preachy, so I'll just tell you what worked for me.

Mental & Emotional Wellness

It all starts in the MIND. You may not believe it, but our most powerful organ is our brain. Our brain sends messages to the rest of our body, so it should be the first place to start. Self-love doesn't just come over night. It is a process, and it is a journey, not a destination. Each day we will grow, and each day we will change, so accept your evolution as a human. Accept the difficulties and struggles, the achievements and successes. The first step to PEACE is ACCEPTANCE.

Makapu'u Lighthouse Trail - Oahu, Hawaii

We are creatures of habit, and stubborn when it comes to change. We are also uncomfortable when it comes to change, but that discomfort should be looked at as a positive thing. It means that personal growth is coming, and it is up to you to decide how to deal with it.

How do you achieve this kind of understanding? To be honest, I am still learning. Like I said, it is a journey, and I am on my own personal one with you. Here's what I do to give myself mental clarity and mind space:

1) Meditation: Allow your mind to just pause for a moment. This allows you to acknowledge your thoughts, and be one with them. Your thoughts shouldn't consume you. They should just be someone knocking at your door, saying "hey, I'm here!", and you should have the power to say "great, but now is my time, please come back later". Giving yourself mental downtime is so essential to your sanity. Some awesome apps I use are, Headpsace and Oak.

2) Breathing Exercises: Breathing will help you achieve your stillness. It sends oxygen to the brain, and also allows you you to relax. We often forget to breathe, (like taking a huge inhale and exhale), because we are so consumed with our day, or our problems. Breathing is necessary to put your mind at ease. Try out the breathing exercises on Oak, and you'll see what I mean.

3) Discipline, not Motivation: This one is something I still struggle with, but I am learning to tackle everyday. I am a really motivated person, but sometimes I am just so exhausted that, that motivation fades away sometimes. Discipline is something that is a commitment and allows you to exercise consistency. Without discipline it is difficult (if not impossible) to keep up with achieving our goals. It can be painful to have discipline, but embrace that pain and transform it into fuel.

4) Living in the Moment: Nothing is permanent, all is temporary. Understanding that can be hard. Sometimes we may feel stuck in a rut, and that we will never get out of it. That's the ego telling you nothing can ever change. Put your ego aside, and realize that nobody owes you anything, and no one can change your life but you. It is possible to get out of a rut, because it depends on your choices, and your acceptance of living in the present. Learn how not to dwell on the past (depression), and not to anticipate the future (anxiety). These lessons have not only helped me get through my problems, but it saved my life. To understand more about the ego and sense of the "present moment", I recommend reading "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle

5) Talk Therapy: Whether you talk to a friend, family member, psychologist, or psychotherapist, talking about the way we feel not only reduces stress but is good for our soul. Acknowledging our emotions is essential to balancing our emotions and keeping them in check. If you are going through something really tough, sometimes it is best to seek professional help, so that they can give you the tools you need to deal with what's going on. I did it, and I recommend it to you too.

Physical Wellness

When you become a mother, sleep fades away from your life. You are in pure survival mode, waking up every two hours to feed your newborn. It's only until your baby achieves his or her full nights of sleep when will you then be able to get some shut-eye. These days, with a toddler around, I am still physically exhausted, but at least I can relax and rest when he is in daycare, or sleep when he sleeps. So what are the key ingredients to physical wellness?

1) Sleep: When you have a newborn, try to sleep when they sleep, and never refuse help. If you need to rest, ask your partner to take over. If you have a mother or mother in-law who is willing to look after the baby so you can get some sleep, then do it. When you are past the newborn phase and your kids are sleeping well through the night, get your 8 hours of sleep! Sleep is not only essential for your mental health, it is essential for physical growth, and also recovery from illness.

2) Exercise: Whether you like to walk, run, dance, do yoga, crossfit, or weight lift, do the exercise. Our body thrives when our blood is pumping, and when we are breathing. I used to be able to work out five times a week, and do Insanity by Shaun T, but because of my back injury, I've had to do low-impact, low-intensity workouts. I came across this video, to re-start my workout routines: The Real Body Project: 30 minute fat burning home workout for beginners.

3) Nutrition: Eating healthy not only benefits your body by giving it the right nutrients, you can also lose weight. Weight-loss is 80% from nutrition and 20% from exercise. Calorie deficits are needed to lose weight, but it shouldn't mean that those calories are bad calories (desserts, too many processed foods, white carbs, soft drinks, etc). Eat nutrient dense meals. For anti-inflammatory diets to help reduce joint pains, arthritis, eczema, allergies, auto-immune diseases, consider paleo or AIP diets. I am on a paleo diet, and once in a while I detox with AIP, since I have Crohn's Disease. Whatever diet it is, try to replace breads from white to whole grain, or pastas to whole grain, or making veggie pastas, like zucchini pastas, spaghetti squash or sweet potatoes. Drink lots of water - at least 32 ounces a day. Instead of coffee sometimes, I love to drink Kombucha which is great for gut health.

4) Spa Treatments: I love me a good massage, and Swedish baths, but I can't afford to go to the Spa all the time. Run some warm water, add some bubbles and essential oils to a diffuser, and turn down the lights. Light some candles maybe. Put on a face mask, and lounge in your tub. Why not? Get a mani-pedi, blow dry your hair, and put on make-up if that makes you feel good. The point is, take time for yourself, your skin, your body, and let it relax.

I hope you enjoyed reading about my self-care routines and practices. I'd love to hear yours! Comment below :)