Making Your Relationship Work While Parenting: Featuring, My Husband!

Mr. & Mrs. Mazur

This blog post will be different from the rest, because... My husband is here with me to talk about maintaining a relationship while parenting! I am so excited! I obviously couldn't do this blog post without him, because it takes two to make a relationship work. I've invited him to collaborate with me on this as a team effort, and also to get a male perspective. We'll be doing this in dialogue/interview format.

CO-PARENTING & "ME TIME"

Jenn: As all of us parents know, parenting is hard. You're basically giving most of your time to your kids, while still trying to have some individual time and couple time. Sometimes it feels like there are not enough hours in a day to do it all, but somehow we have to try and find time and create a good balance. So, to start off, how has parenting been for you?

Pawel: Challenging to say the least! Every month is different and you have to adapt to your child's development phase. It's also a shared responsibility. We both participate in parent duties such as bath time, changing diapers, disciplining him and so on. I'm glad we're both involved in all aspects.

Jenn: Definitely... it would be really difficult to do it alone. You're the type of person who really needs his "me" time, so what are the challenges you face trying to get that time back, and what do you do about it now?

Pawel: My schedule definitely became more regimented. I don't have the luxury of working out as much as before, playing sports and spending time with my friends. What I've recently implemented and I'm still working on is scheduling blocks of time where I can work on personal development, unwind and read. It's been hard to respect that schedule because life can change at any moment with a toddler.

Jenn: Very true. I find myself also changing things around, but still trying to have time to do things for myself. Self-care is important.

CAREERS & HOUSE WORK

Jenn: I definitely have to say that you make sure that we spend time together, and that we all spend time together as a family, which I love about you. How do you think work can effect the family, if you've got to work a lot and hardly see your family? What do you think can be done in those cases to be able to spend quality time?

Pawel: I think giving your loved ones undivided attention is important. Sometimes I get home and only get to spend an hour or two with my son. During that time I try to immerse myself in his world. Play and pretend as if I was his age and be curious about everything. It's almost like a form of meditation. I sometimes catch myself peeking at my phone or zoning out thinking about a file at work. You or Kai sometimes bring me back to the present moment!

Jenn: Speaking about work... how do you feel about me starting my own business and not going back to working for someone? I know financially, all the pressure is on you for now, to help me get this started (I thank you, and love you). You've been completely supportive, but sometimes it's not the case for others who may be in the same situation. How do you deal with that? Have you ever harboured resentment towards me for not wanting to go back to work?

Pawel: I acknowledge not everyone can work for someone else and at some point you need to do your own thing and be creative. Being creative has always been important to you. I think starting your own business makes sense at this point. You've cumulated experience in event planning and are able to run things your way. We're lucky to have support from our parents as well. We manage with what we have. We live a simpler life and minimize our spending accordingly. I haven't resented you for not working a regular job but I do encourage you to work on your business as much as possible to get it off the ground.

Jenn: Yes, I've wanted to have my own business for a long time now, and it just seemed like coming off of maternity, not being bound to a job, and having time to plan helped a lot in making the decision. You're right, I am a creative person, and I never saw myself working a 9am-5pm type of job. Starting a business is not easy, and it doesn't become successful over night. I don't like to rush things, I like to do things right.

Pawel: Taking care of the household is another challenge. Do you have any advice to other parents on how to juggle caring for a child, being an entrepreneur and doing chores?

Jenn: It's exhausting to be honest, but not in a bad way. Even if I'm not going to an office everyday and working all day like you do, I still feel like I haven't rested enough. It feels like I did not get enough done in a day. I really have to have schedule for the week. Mondays are my full work days for Ka'Ana Co. where we book meetings, I work on a lot of admin, accounting, marketing and making connections. Throughout the week I'd usually come up with more ideas for types of events... they just kind of pop into my head on a whim, a go into creating concept. Tuesdays I either do laundry, or I cook Kai's meals for daycare. Wednesdays I'll clean up our space. Thursday I like to take a rest, and just relax, because my back ends up hurting throughout the week. I can't forget that I have my chiropractor appointments too. Fridays are flexible, and the weekend is reserved for spending time with my family if I'm not running an event. All in all though, keeping up with my calendar on my phone helps me a ton, and keeps me organize. I know I can't keep our place spic and span every single day, but I assign days to work on my business, do house work, apart from feeding my family, and raising our son. I guess I'm kind of a stay-at-home "mompreneur", so it feels like I have a bunch of jobs and it never stops.

Jenn: What do you think the trick is to maintaining a successful marriage?

Pawel: Continue going out on dates with each other. Spending that time to communicate and catch up on our week. We usually have Kai stay with our parents when we go out. There's also those few hours we spend at night after he falls asleep. I think to keep the spark alive too, it requires spontaneity. Usually we are always running on the same routine, and everything is predictable, so being spontaneous will change things up. What do you think?

Jenn: Yes, that definitely keeps things interesting, and it's nice to have our deep conversations still, like talk about what's going on with us, or what our goals are as a family, and our future.

Pawel: Maintaining a high level of commitment and trust to one another is essential. Not letting complacency settle in. At the beginning of a relationship, we have a tendency to put our best selves to the front and impress. It's harder to maintain that over time. This also applies to people in long term relationships. Trusting your partner has your back and will act in the best interest of the relationship is also key.

Jenn: I agree, and those are great points. I also think keeping the romance alive is important. I find that when you start a relationship you're in the honeymoon phase and that usually fades to a certain extent. Relationships are like plants, if you don't water them, they die. Nourishing that love you had for each other from the beginning, and communicating about feelings is also so important. Internalizing how we feel can create resentment, which can lead to so many things that can ruin a relationship.

We touched on so many points in this blog. Thanks for doing this with me, babe. I hope anyone reading this will find it insightful or helpful in their own relationship.

Pawel: We learn as we go and stopping for a moment to ponder about those questions really made me think. Thanks for having me! I'm looking forward to your next post already.